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well today is the day. [deep breathe]
my sister is procrastinatin like a em effa.
sum of the family sittin in the livin room
and some are already at the church.
thiss shit is hard. i feel like no even going.
i kno thats not gonna NOT happen though.
they are re capping old memories and im
trynna slide off into tune wrld.
i can feel the "lengthyness" of this day.
my belly hurts, i have NO enery, my legs
are weak, i cant seem to focus.
i jus want it to be over.
& they want me to deal with sum more ppl
for like some re pass or sum shit & then
go to my aunts house to deal with more shit.
im liek man FUKK A DINNER & the shit that comes with it.
well time to go. uuuuuughk !
I DONT WANNA =(
i wonder if people really understand that you only get one chance.
like even the people who believe in reincarnation.
like if you are reborn as a tree, you are not gonna be that tree like "omg, i was here before. i was here before as a person. i remember my name & everything." R O F LMOA !
life comes at you with a question asking, "HOW ARE YOU GONNA HANDLE ME?" and asks only once.
iknow im not on my grind 1oo percent.
but i know i can do it. and quick.
the niggaz wiff no jobs and aint lookin for one and isnt expectin one, i DO NOT see how that is possible.
the world has entirely too much to offer for you to not want anything at all!
my g.pops, g.ma, &aunty lived long lives and made sure they lived to the fullest.
i have this picture with my g.ma passed out with her head in my pop pops croch.
R O F L M A O !!
i think aunty was da lil uiet one. idunno if t was bkuz she was older and errbody was on sum new shit, or if it was because she knew some shit but was the older sister and jus let shit ride.
yo my gramz went home kinda loud ya kno? but aunty jus went to sleep peacefully.
now g.pops was kinda informatively hard. i hadnt seen him in forever. i am the one whom carries his name though. HAMZA "CHARLES JACKSON". i had to hear bout his wellness instead of seeing it with my own eyes. even with opportunity.
i couldnt control myself. it seemed to jus keep coming back. as soon as i stepped foot in the house i broke down. didnt stop til the COOKOUT.
wha ? my g.pops made sure i ate. if he aint gimme nothin he made sure i ate. i wante done of those damm sticks though.
he carved these like barks of a tree into like walking sticks.
they had different shades and designs and shit.
i didnt know anyone else did that. until recently when i bumped into this lady that had one and i told her my grandfather used to make those. but let this had been when he was alive, i woulda jus asked her when he made it.
i hope this isnt too much for you guys because this reeeeeally feels gooooood. like a deep breathe of fresh ass air. ughk. ::sniffingggggggg:: LOL!
that sounded like such a coke head type line. it wasnt though. lissen to this, "i do not approve that message."
R O F L M A O!
isnt HILL C. crazy as hell fa dat ?
i mean come on. are you serious ?
we have come to the conclusion [pause]
[long..uncomfortavle......pause]
"HILARY CLINTON, is an alien."
[gasps] ::gassssssps:: for air.
okay. STAY TUNED.......
itsz hard to deal with so much shit at once. itsz even harder to find ways to try & put things in order to deal with them so you wont become a nut case.
ever had a person you jus dislike so much that evry little thing they do bothers you?
itsz this guy at my job whos walk & voice bugs the shit outta me bkuz i have grown to dislike him so much.
seein his sleeves rolled up on his shirt when they arent usually makes me feel violent.
sounds liek i need help huh ?
well at this point in my life i think i do need sum type of help. i jus dunno where to get it from.
im usually the one giving the pats on the bakk sayin errthing is gonna be ite but when itsz my turn i have no one to turn to but my pen & pad & i seem to never get arespomse so in all actuality the shit is still a problem.
bad "relationships" , fckd up living situations , fckd up credit , death , life , life, and life.
to love such a thing could only mean insanity.
living everyday pushin problem after problem to the side until the nxt one arrives doesnt seem to do the job.
but at the end of the day life goes on and leaves no room for giving up.
so i gess that means i jus gotta suck this shit up & move on.
lessons are so easily learned but they seem to go unnoticed until sumthing even worse happens.
i say live evryday like itsz yur last & make the best of it.
life is all about choices but death is sumthing thatsz yet to be able to be controlled.
i dnt see how we have the power to control lites & even other ppls minds but we cant control losing.
contridictive sounding but it feels so true.
they say music soothes the savage beast so off i go into a wrld of tunes to relieve my inner beast. wish me luck.
xmister. jacksonx
this lost jus shows how yur here one day & gone the nxt.
jus lost my g.pops last month & this month my g.ma & her sis followed him home.
its weird kuz they all played extremely large parts in my life & now they're gone.
i guess now they can really keep an eye on me so i can show them what i can do.
show them the time they put into producing such a product wasnt a waste of time.
i know they are in the heavens relaxin & prolly catchin up & havin drinks.
may their souls rest peacefully & know the family will be takin care of.
with much love
R.i.P ol' heads.
turns heads & breaks necks
shake hands & makes fans.
has THE sexiest lips
fine ass hips
brains for daze
makes me gaze...
into her words which rubs me liek a mother
does her baby
reaching zones unreachable & sumtimes
drive me crazy
wish i could touch & kiss
and hug her body like.. this
i would cook & clean kuz her body is MEAN
make a nigga wanna act up til my insides erupt.
but so far we're gone but imma keep holdin on...
til i reach her
i wont deter
i will breathe her
until i see her
i will make her smile
kuz it drives me wild
Tiairra L is the name
blogging is her game
she is his fist
and he certaintly cant resist
she... =)
